V05 Marriage traditions

The leap year proposal was an anomaly of English law, where the leap year day had no recognition. The day was ‘lept over’ (leapt over) and therefore as it had no acknowledgement, the normal rules and traditions also didn’t apply. Any women who were ‘left on the shelf’ could use that day to ask someone to marry them.

The word ‘bride’ comes from the olde English, and originally meant ‘cook’. The word groom, on the other hand, meant ‘male child’ so technically, bride and groom refer quite clearly to the male and his cook! Fortunately, over time, this definition has changed so that the word ‘bride’ now refers to the female of the marriage party!

It does get worse though.

Originally the Olde English (‘wedde’) and Scottish word (‘wad’) referred to a pledge, and the word ‘lock’ referred to the actions taken. The traditional meaning of ‘wedlock’, therefore, was the pledging of property to the bride’s father in payment for his daughter, and the poor young women had very little say in the transaction.

The arranged marriage was not all bad, as many families tried hard to guarantee a pleasant and compatible life for their offspring.

The bride was expected to bring a substantial ‘dowry’ of money, jewels, animals and valuables to her marriage. In some parts of the USA, she was expected to bring a selection of handmade quilts and table coverings as part of her dowry. This was provided by the bride’s family, and portrayed her perceived worth. However, the groom was not exempt – he paid a ‘bride’s price’ to her family, as indicative of his faithful support of the bride. It was also to ‘make up’ for the loss of her labour on her family’s land. Herein lies the tradition of parents giving the couples their wedding presents, to ensure that the couple are moving into married life in a comfortable way.

The concept of the ‘suitor’ in a courtship also has its ties to the legal world, where a suitor was one who made a petition or request. Usually that request included asking the father’s permission to court his daughter. If a suitor (requesting marriage) was accepted by the bride, in the event that she reneged on that promise, she (and her family) could be taken to court. The marriage could be enforced and/or the family sued for damages to the groom’s reputation and credibility, and financial recompense given, but it rarely reached that stage, as the bride’s reputation would be left in tatters. Families generally didn’t want it known that they had such irresponsible children.

During these times, the betrothal ring served a twofold purpose.

There are two strongly held beliefs about why the engagement and wedding ring are worn on the third finger, left hand.

The first is a Christian belief dating back to the 17th century, where during the marriage, the priest would symbolically touch thumb and first finger together (the Father), middle finger and thumb (the Son) and the ring finger and thumb (and Holy Ghost). Mediaeval bridegrooms placed the ring on each of the bride’s fingers in turn, to symbolise God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit, with the ring then remaining on the third finger.

The second belief refers to the ancient Egyptians, however, who believed that the vein of love runs between the ring finger and the heart. Therefore the ring on the ring finger, left hand, symbolised the heartfelt love and commitment to one another. Although modern medicine has disproved this belief, and the veins in the ring finger are no more, no less important than any other veins, the tradition of the left hand ring finger still predominates.

Bridesmaids and ushers were a Roman tradition. There was concern that evil spirits might hex the poor married couple, so friends of both the bride and groom got equally as dressed up, so the confused spirits would not know who was marrying. Therefore they could not cast an evil spirit over the happy couple.

In those dim, dark, distant days, when brides had few privileges, and certainly few personal rights, she was literally given away by her father (in exchange for monetary or property gain). Thankfully this brutal tradition has given away to one where the bride chooses her partner. However, while she may be accompanied down the aisle by family, the traditional meaning whereby two families are joined, is still embedded in this custom.

In early Roman times, the colour white stood as a symbol of joy and celebrations. The tradition got a bit waylaid in the era where the bride was deemed property and breeding stock. Plenty of historians attest to the fact that the bride’s qualities were discussed in terms of her history, potential to produce offspring quickly and the competitive nature of ‘owning’ the most beautiful woman in local area.

In many areas of the USA, dating back to legal documents of the 1700s, the bride was expected to be ‘unsullied’ or free from dirt, stain, impurities, evil or corruption. Wearing white became the badge of virginity, and to this day, many brides marry in the traditional white.

The bride’s veil was of far more importance however. Yellow in ancient Greece, and red in ancient Rome, the veil usually shrouded the bride from head to foot, and has symbolised the subordination of a woman to her potential husband since earliest times. Another belief dates back to the Romans as well, where they believed that if the evil spirits could not see the bride, they would not be floating around on her wedding day.

It is also suggested that it is a relic to the man throwing a blanket over the head of his bride when he captured her and carted her off. In the times of arranged marriages, where the groom didn’t see his betrothed prior to the ceremony, it is believed that it was to prevent him from running off if he didn’t like the look of his bride when he finally saw her. The veil came to be used to hide the bride in her passage into the church. The heavier the veil, the more the bride wished to be hidden, with some fathers substituting different daughters at the ceremony. The tradition of the groom lifting the bride’s veil prior to the ceremony starting refers to the groom just checking which woman he was actually marrying, and to confirm that the one he paid for, was the one he was marrying! However, if the bride takes the initiative of lifting her veil, apparently it meant the bride was presenting herself to him, thereby showing independence.

Many brides still wear ‘something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue’ but the missing final line is ‘ and a silver sixpence in your shoe’. A Victorian tradition, something old refers to the links with the bride’s family and her old life, and at that time, most bride’s wore something belonging to their mother or grandmothers. Something new usually referred to future good fortune and success, and came to be something presented by her groom to his bride, such as a necklace or personal jewellery. Wearing something borrowed from a happy married woman was important, as was something blue, which in Biblical times represented purity, modesty and fidelity. Blue also denotes the purity of the Virgin Mary, and as religions consolidated, this sort of symbolism became increasingly important. Many Israeli brides wore a band of blue on their wedding attire, and in modern times, many garters are in blue for that reason. Placing a silver sixpence in the bride's left shoe is a symbol of wealth. This is not just to bring the bride financial wealth but also a wealth of happiness and joy throughout her married life.

During the marriage ceremony, the bride traditionally stands on the left, so the groom had his right hand free to use his sword. This goes back to the days when some brides were kidnapped, and if the groom had to fight off other men, he needed his sword hand free.

In ancient times, it was believed that strong smelling herbs and spices would ward off and drive away bad spirits, bad luck and ill health, and garlic and chives were popular first choices. Remember this was also a time where bathing often was viewed as not necessary, and in fact, highly dangerous to your health: my guess is that garlic and chives helped a situation where many unbathed people were in close proximity to each other!! Brides of the time usually carried stinking garlands of flowers to keep evil spirits away. Brides carried herbs beneath their veils to symbolise fidelity. Greek brides carried ivy, as symbolic of enduring tendrils of love. In Spain, orange blossoms represented happiness and fulfilment, because the orange tree both flowers and bears fruit at the same time.

During Roman times, this tradition was extended, with the bride and groom wearing floral garlands signifying new life and hope for fertility. The bouquet in particular symbolised a women in bloom. During Victorian times, just as the groom was able to give a ring with additional significance, many brides chose to send messages through their selection of different flowers with meaning. Begonias symbolised ‘beware’, pink camellia indicated ‘longing for you’ and red rose meant ‘I love you’. Ahhh these Victorians were a deep and complex lot, weren’t they?

These explanations of the traditions embedded within a marriage ceremony are the words of some experts. For every tradition, there are additional ways of explaining it. Whichever way you look at it though, many traditions are still woven into this ceremony we call marriage, and it is interesting to see how they have changed and evolved over the centuries.

Please note: the information contained in this article is the result of years of research, and attributed to no one website, research document and /or text.

Nancy Batenburg
Marriage Celebrant and Vice-President AFCC Inc
Darwin Northern Territory