In praise of funeral celebrants
Submitted by Nancy Batenburg
Recently I met a celebrant who only does funerals, and memorial ceremonies and I was curious about why she has specialised in this area.
She has been performing ceremonies for the past five or six years, and now has a steady income through four or five of the local funeral homes, and a good relationship with the local funeral directors. She has steered herself past some of the recent angst in the funeral celebrant world, and is dealing with independent funeral directors who don’t seem to have a problem with paying her what she considers a fair price for each ceremony.
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I asked her why she focused on funerals. She spoke of the community service that she contributes, and how her mission is to ensure that the ceremony is exactly as the families want, but more to the point, where possible, truly representative as a celebration of each person’s life. While I was inquiring about the sorrow and sense of loss embedded in funerals, she was focussed on the joy of living, and usually the living of a good, strong and solid life, filled with family, memories and achievements.
Many of her clients are return clients, clients who engaged her services for a funeral and now use her for any other deaths in their family. This has led to an interesting trend whereby some terminally ill people have wanted to speak to her about their own funerals, and what they want in their ceremonies after their death.
She spoke of her pastoral care of families, where she develops a brief relationship with the bereaved family, but helps them talk about their shock and sorrow when a loved one dies. Just as I have some guidelines which help me create effective marriage ceremonies, she too has some key questions that she asks, so that the process is calm, unhurried but extensive in getting her the information that she wants to craft a personal and individual ceremony. She also spoke about the times when the family disagrees vehemently and the negotiation skills that are required on occasion! She also spoke about the timelines of funerals. While marriage celebrants get the luxury of at least a month and a day to create a marriage ceremony, often she gets one or two days, if she is lucky, to create the perfect ceremony.
I wondered if she held religious beliefs, as the process of working with sorrowing families would take its toll, surely? She spoke of her spiritual beliefs, in that life is made of beginnings and endings, of joy and sorrow, of light and dark. Just as we are born, and celebrate the newness of the journey ahead, so we also die, and celebrate life’s achievements. As a celebrant, she said, her job is to seek out those achievements and help the family to speak of them, and acknowledge the passing of time. Also as the celebrant, her job is to remain calm and provide a professional service, regardless of the heightened emotions of the day, not dissimilar to that of the marriage celebrant who remains calm in the midst of perceived chaos!.
This article is in praise of funeral celebrants, whose job is so integral to our society and yet, is often overlooked. A good funeral celebrant takes their job as seriously – if not more seriously – as any other celebrant, but also provides a high level of community and pastoral care.
Nancy Batenburg
Authorised Marriage Celebrant
Darwin NT.
Editor's Note: Letters and Opinion pieces on this article are most welcome.
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