Occasion: Tas' 12th Birthday
MUSIC: Spooky Men’s Chorale - Tooled Up
Tas' choice
General Opening remarks:
General welcome; Introductions (self, each other); Amenities; Mobile phones switch off etc.; Explain the outline (mention the toys / cards) etc.
GONG:
"What happens when the light first pierces the dark dampness in which we have waited? We are slapped and cut loose. If we are lucky, someone is there to catch us and persuade us that we are safe. But are we safe? What happens if, too early, we lose a parent? That party on whom we rely for only everything? Why, we are cut loose again and we wonder, even dread whose hands will catch us now? There once lived a man named Nicholas Nickleby..."
Nicholas Nickelby by Charles Dickens
Mother M's choice
 GONG:
Acknowledgement of Country
Before we begin today’s ceremony, I would like to acknowledge and pay respect to the traditional owners of the land on which we meet – the Gundungurra .
At the opening of the 42nd Parliament, Matilda House, an Elder of the Ngambri aboriginal peoples, said “For thousands of years our Peoples have observed this Protocol. It is good, honest, decent and a very Human act to reach out to make sure every one of us has a place and is welcome”.
Welcome
Everyone here today is welcomed, on behalf of TAS and M, because each and everyone one of us has a special place in Tas’ life.
As such it is fitting that we share with Tas this celebration of his 12th Birthday Celebration.
Introduction
Each birthday is celebrated for the simple thankfulness that a loved one was born, and marker of where we are in our life’s journey from its beginning to end.
But perhaps you may be wondering “Why add a ceremony to this celebration?”
Well, a ceremony allows us the opportunity to take time out of the busyness of our daily lives to acknowledge an important aspect of life or period of transition.
Today Tas, in celebrating this special birthday, we want you to know how thankful we are you in our lives, how precious you are to us, we want to express our wishes and hopes for your future, and to acknowledge what is significant at this stage in your life.
At 12, you start to leave childhood behind and move into adolescence, that transitional period to adulthood.
 Theme 1: Care and Community
Firstly, we need to honour your ancestors and the living connection you have through the tree of life to the beginning of time. And the care given you by your family and others
To do so we will light these six candles on these two large candelabra.
MUSIC: Guitar Concerto No 1 in A, Op 30 Allegro Maestoso Comp: Mauro Guiliani (1781-1829)
Tas' choice
Candle 1 – In memory of your D – who died before his time in 20xx
To be lit by Tas
Candle 2 – In honour of your mother M
To be lit by grandmother E
Candle 3 - To represent your family – all the ancestors past and those living who have passed on and nurtured the gift of life
To be lit by aunt S
Candle 4 – To acknowledge the importance of our community of friends and neighbours for the support and opportunities they provide for our growth and quality of life
To be lit by friend J
Candle 5 – To honour the family of mankind and all living beings that nurture us all
To be lit by cousin M
Candle 6 - To acknowledge the earth and the universe, for all things and forces seen and unseen, knowable and forever mysterious that is the ground of our being.
To be lit by cousin T
Candle for TAS: T to light a candle to represent himself.
 To Tas: I’d like for you to take a taper, move its flame through those just lit, and like a candle for you to present the energy, enthusiasm and love you bring into the world, and your willingness to accept your responsibility to care for yourself in the years ahead.
Tas: I’m sure that your Dad would have loved to have lived to be here today for you, to express his pride in the healthy, vibrant, loving and strong boy that you have become and to reassure you that no parent can be everything to a child, we all need a community of people to love and support us.
Let’s take a little time to acknowledge your journey so far.
Parent's story
Tas, we’ll hand over now to you mum, M, for this – which will be good for those of us here today who are newer friends and elders.
M's speech (and DVD)
GONG:
Theme 2: Change and Courage
 Celebrant: Continues ... snip snip ...
Tas we believe you have chosen some toys to represent this willingness to let go of certain things and ways to create space for the new for the next stage of your growth.
You can do this as these things live on in your heart and mind. And even if forgotten, they are always with you because they have become part of who you are.
Would you now like to take these around for others to choose and take over their care and enjoyment please?
Great work Tas. Let’s put of hands together (a round of applause)
GONG:
Theme 3: Challenges and Creativity
Some adults would have us all think that “leaving behind certain child-like behaviours” means leaving our imagination and creativity behind. Nothing could be further from the truth.
As we grow older, our ability to play ”make-believe” becomes much more part of our inner world, and is used in all sorts to ways to express ourselves, to entertain ourselves and others, and to solve problems and deal with challenges. And we mature, we understand that the inner and outer worlds are bound together in very mysterious and powerful ways. We can use objects in the outer world to express ideas or qualities of the inner world and vice versa.
Today we will use 4 objects to represent the qualities and skills you will need for your life journey
These are the Sword, Cup, Sack of Coins and the Wand.
FOUR men to present a symbol each and explain its meaning and give a wish on behalf of all present.
- Maternal Grandfather - Sack of Coins
- Step Grandfather - Cup
- Step Uncle - Sword
- Family Friend - the Wand
Celebrant continues ...
Commitment to the Journey to Manhood
Tas: All these tools are needed. Without feelings, we would lack compassion. Without wisdom, we would not know when to fight and when to let go. Without discernment, we would lack direction in life. Without a healthy body, mind and spirit, and some good luck, we would lack the ability to live our lives fully and joyfully.
So I would now ask you, on behalf of everyone here:
TAS, our grandson, son, nephew, cousin and friend of all present – Will you respect these gifts, given in a spirit of kinship and friendship, and do all you can to develop these qualities as you approach manhood?
I will.
Will you care for yourself, your family and friends, and the world around you with compassion, creativity and courage?
I will.
Tas I understand you have prepared a few words to say at this time.
Tas shares his prepared words
Thank you Tas.
Reading
D, a friend of M’s And Tas’ who has known Tas since birth to share this reading which summarises the main theme of today. etc
GONG:
Theme 4: Choices
Ah yes Tas “there are more possibilities than you could possibly use up in one lifetime’.
That means making choices, the last of the themes of this ceremony – care, community, change, courage, challenges and creativity.
Our choices, large and small, and even tiny, create the unique individual we are. Every moment of every day we stand at a crossroad do we go left or right or straight ahead, or turn back. Most choices we make are not black nor white, right or wrong, but they all have consequences. To brush teeth or do homework now or later - or not at all, to practice our guitar or flute, to play computer games, or go for a swim, or hang out with our friends.
We try to build many of the important little ones into our routines, so we have time to think about the bigger choices.
What’s important to know though is that we do not get this moment of this day, of this year ever again. Going down one road means we cant go the other. But that’s OK, because otherwise we would stand frozen at the crossroads and go nowhere.
We can’t live your life for you, but we can pass on words of wisdom that may make your choices easier and wiser.
Words of Wisdom
So we have come to that part of the ceremony where we all get the opportunity to share the Words of Wisdom quotes M selected for us from the Lord of the Rings and other sources.
I’d ask that you be upstanding when it’s your turn to share. When you’ve finished, please lit a little candle to place another Tas.
We’ll start with the wisdom of the Lord of the Rings first. You’ll find they have been numbered, so I’d ask number 1 etc.
GONG:
 Announcements
After we finish we will sign a certificate for Tas and I’d ask you keep those quotes to write in his memento copy of the ceremony late at the CTC. Those with cameras may like to join us for photos.
We’d also like to take a photo of Tas with all the males here then all the females immediately after we finish
We’ll meet down at XXX which is on the main road opposite XXX, and next to the XXX in about 10 to 15 minutes. That will give M some time to make sure she has lunch organized so if you are welcome to take a little time here before you leave.
Cold drinks will await us and quality toilets. There will be hot drinks will be after lunch. There will be an opportunity for a few words too for when Tas cuts his birthday cake.
Conclusion
Now on behalf of M and Tas I’d like to thank you all for coming today, for being part of this important marker of a stage in Tas’ life journey.
We’ll close with some wishes for Tas and finish with an Australian son which is becoming popular at Australian Festivities and a round of applause, and a few hugs for Tas.
Wishes
Now TAS, we wish you ... Celebrant continues
GONG:
Closing song
Be upstanding. I’ll hand over to J and A to lead this section, and ask that whether we sing well or nor is beside the point as long as we all sing enthusiastically.
WE ARE AUSTRALIAN - Idea from Variety Club -Youtube
A final photo with all the men!
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Guests chatting afterwards
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Well boys will be boys ....
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NB The above is not the full ceremony as copyright and privacvy issues apply. ACCN celebrants will be able to view more.
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Celebrants comments:
As many National Celebrants e-Magazine would know, my passion is to see a Coming of Citizenship Age Ceremony for all 18 years olds as a celebration around which our community can reinforce the positive values of being a contributing member of our democratic society. With the Steering Committee's support, the CCN Inc made two submissions to government along these lines.
See: Health Department Submission
See: National Human Rights Consultation
Certainly "one-off" things, on their own have little impact. But nothing exists alone. Some events contribute positively, others like "Schoolies Week" negatively.
As a community educator, I know a program is likely to be far more successful, when it's part of a planned integrated community based approach. That's why our interest in the Schools Chaplaincy program.
See: http://www.civilcelebrationsnetwork.org/submissions/706-school-chaplaincy-report
If Australian youth had a Coming of Citizenship Age Ceremony in their 18th year, then a Coming of Adolescence Age ceremony is part of the preparation for that.
As young people more away from being reliant on parents and their immediate family, and become more influenced and dependent on their friends and other peers for information and support, making this transition more conscious may be a way of reducing some stress on families.
Understanding that each person's journey is about
- starting out in life dependent on others,
- learning to mature to have the courage to be independent to be true to one's values, and
- being willing to not only accept one's inter-dependence, but to be responsible for one's own contribution into one's community and the fabric of life,
for one's own health and well being is intimately connected with the people and the world around us.
Taking the time to 'Add a Ceremony to the Celebration" is one way celebrants can bring a touch of love and purpose into celebrations that seem to have lost much of their central core in our way of life. The ACCN has long advocate that 'ceremony' is a gift of love, using all the love languages.
Young people need to know they are loved and supported in the core of their being, especially those who are unable or unwilling or too isolated. Perhaps their immediate family's love language is not theirs. So the communication is effective.
With this ceremony, a young person is given a gift of love and a framework, that is not likely to be understood or even appreciated at the time.
A "Coming of Adolescence Age" ceremony:
- sends a powerful message that a group of adults are willing to spend our time participating in a ceremony to express our valuing of this individual
- provides a time for "The Right Words at the Rite Time' as these can save lives - mental illness, depression and suicide affect us all, but are particularly challenging during adolescence
- creates a framework from which parents and others can support their teenager through this time of major transition
- challenges us as celebrants to find the 'best' symbols we can to connect with 'this' young person and 'this' family
- give an opportunity to do a life review and permission to let go of some behaviours to make way for new ones
- offers a way for everyone in the young person's environment to participate in a group event that was once held around camp fires, or the pianola, and that with the digital age provides and exciting opportunity to create new ways of meeting basic human needs
- provides concrete memory aids for the future, for times when as an adult, that young person, may want or need to return to the love and support that was there at the beginning of their journey.
There is a growing body of evidence to support the role of the components of what we do in 'ceremony'. Not enough space to do that here.
I've asked Tas and his mother to share their impressions - which I hope we will have for our next issue.
On a practical level, I've given a sample of a framework for such a ceremony above. Obviously it's a suggestion only, but a time honoured one
Some of my celebrant colleagues were concerned that the ceremony's length - around an hour.
I do not believe that length of time is an issue, provided the time is spent in such a way as to
- be interesting as well as meaningful
- use a range of 'love languages'
- be well choreographed
- is participatory- especially with other family members who have powerful roles in the adolescent's life
and supported by
- a venue that provides a good space for the ceremony, as well as for the food and drink (reception) to follow
and the guests pre-warned that the ceremony will be around an hour, and the invitations say X time for a Ceremony at X : 30 am or pm.
The Ceremony Memento folder was designed to be a practical physical aid to enable the young person to take the essence of this ceremony and memories forward with them in life. This is important for none of us can predict when our time is up. I married a young couple where the groom's both parents were killed in a car accident when he was nine.
Had me thinking what memories would I have had of my parents at that age?
And then of my grandparents?
And what physical reminders did I have of their words of love and wisdom said particularly to me?
Yes I know their love and support is in the fabric of my being, but sometimes it's good to have a sensate experience of that.
The Folder
- was a leatherette 20 pocket albums from the ACCN Celebrant Shop
- contained a full copy of the ceremony on parchment paper, and The Coming of Adolescence Age Certificate
- became a place were all the quests put their Scroll# along with personal comments and wishes for the future
- has extra pockets for Birthday Cards, the CD (of photos taken) , the DVD (of the home video one of the guests took) and anything else Tas and/or his mother might like to put here.
The Scroll
- was given out as guests arrived
- had a copy of the words of "We are Australian" on one side (assuming most people would not know the words)
- had one of the "quotes" from the Lord of the Rings on the reverse side (rolled to the inside centre so it was a surprise for the guest too!) and thus space to writing a person message later
I assume that most people are like me. Put on the spot my mind goes blank. So the "words of wisdom" being pre-prepared, gives
- everyone something to say
- something unique from every unique person there
- a task to the parents to consider what messages they want given to their young person about their life ahead, and from sources that resonate with their son or daughter
- a excuse for the guest to distance themselves from (Well I didn't come up with this) if it's not quite to their personal liking
I'll add images here for the Certificate and the Scroll so you have a idea of what these can look like.
I use the ACCN Celebrant Shop Blank Gold or Silver bordered card for the Certificates as they
- are acid free archival quality, and
- allow the making of a unique personalised quality certificate that can
- can not be bought elsewhere (a value add for a celebrant
 )
- are able to be treasured by the receiver.
I hope you are a little inspired to consider
- this type of ceremony for your children or grandchildren (though not necessarily conducted by you, rather by a colleague)
I'm happy to answer questions as Letters to the Editor for the next e-Magazine.
Kindest regards to all
Rona
Rona Goold
Chair Civil Celebrations Network Inc
NB There are many Australians who would like to see We Are Australia as our National Anthem.
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