 From Jane Gray Civil Marriage, family and Funeral Celebrant Central Coast and Newcastle NSW
Jane sent me her notes from her Funeral Celebrant training course, which she completed successfully some 5 years ago now, with the International College of Celebrancy. Just in case we needed some material for an e_mag. Amongst her notes, I found this beautiful snapshot into Jane's heart and past. Confirms my view that being a celebrant is not only a professional service we provide to others - it's also a journey in self-discovery if we are willing to be open to the process and the learning
Thanks Jane for your generosity of spirit and best wishes for your celebrancy career.
Rona Goold
ACCN Director
"As I was reading in the train on the way to Sydney this morning, I became conscious of tears falling from my eyes, and yet I was not sad I actually felt warm inside. I was a child again and visiting the home of my grandparents, I could smell the tapioca pudding cooking on the fuel stove, I could hear the grandfather clock ticking, I was there in the living room with my ‘pram and dolls’ ( my grandmother would make a pram out of a shoe box and my dolls were the old lemonade bottles with screw tops, she would make hair from wool and make old rags into cloths) I felt my grandmothers arms around me and the love I always felt when I was with my grand-parents. I had just read about a young child who was dying and how he and his grandmother had a special connection and a special love, this is how it was for me with my grandparents, and from reading this I was taken on a beautiful journey, this author is able to take me on the journey with her, and send me on one of my own, I enjoy her style of writing making me more aware of my feelings and the feelings of others. As I read through this book I am sure I will have more wonderful experiences and gain more knowledge, to take with me, when I do commence my funeral celebrancy."#
# This paragraph followed immediately after this book title - On Children and Death, by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.
FUNERAL READING LIST - A STUDENT NOTES
One Celebrant's Views - Could these be yours?
Life after Death
Described and Explained by Emmet Fox.
This is the author’s view of life after death, telling us “In actually fact there is no death. When a person seems to die, all that happens is that he leaves his body here and goes over onto the next plane, otherwise unchanged. Once a body has been cremated it is better not to preserve the ashes, that it is only morbid satisfaction can come from keeping these gruesome relics.” This little booklet describes the experiences of the soul between incarnations. He does quote a few lines from the bible, certainly not a book that I would recommend; nevertheless as always I find the journey interesting.
Funeral Liturgies:
Author Flor McCarthy
This book is filled with a wealth of information and will be most helpful when designing ceremonies.
Bereavement:
Author Ursula Markham
"Bereavement' provides practical advice on psychological and emotional states to bring help and guidance to sufferers and their families. Ursula speaks on coming to terms with the loss of a loved one, understanding the stages of bereavement, helping and comforting the bereaved child, the loss of a child, special cases, and suicides. She recommends further reading giving names of books and authors, there is a tape available by Ursula Markham titled Dealing with Bereavement, she also provides addresses and phone numbers within Australia for support agencies.
Quote “Remember that when we weep, we weep for ourselves because we are the ones left behind and we have lost someone very special to us. But there comes a time when the weeping stops and we realize that we are doing far more to honour their memory, if we can find ways of celebrating their life”
How to survive the loss of a Love:
Authors Melba Colgrove, Ph.D., Harold H Bloomfield, MD., and Peter McWilliams
A different guide to overcoming all your emotional hurts, telling us when an emotional injury has taken place, the body begins a process as natural as the healing of a physical wound. Let the process happen, trust that nature will do the healing, know that the pain will pass and when it passes, you will be stronger, happier, more sensitive and aware……another interesting little book found in my rummages through second hand book stores.
‘The Minister’s Service Book’.
A lady at toastmasters whose husband was once a minister, (not the minister I wrote of in my No.5. journal) has loaned me This book has excellent prayers and reading, several prayers or verses could be brought into a funeral service (should the client request this). I will take time to copy even though I would like to purchase this book and will enquire if this is possible.
The following are some of the chief types of funeral sermons mentioned:
The biographical sermon dwells on the achievements and character of the deceased. This type is effective in the case where the deceased lived an exemplary life of goodness and spirituality. If he was a farmer, railroad man, sailor etc; analogies can be taken from his occupation,
The occasional sermon deals with some unusual circumstance surrounding the funeral. For example, it may occur on a holiday, like New Year’s, Good Friday, Easter, Memorial Day, Labour, Thanks giving etc. In such cases the significance of the holidays may be used as a background to the sermon
The doctrinal sermon emphasizes in various ways, the basis, assurance, and nature of the Christian’s hope of life everlasting. They present a list of topics and texts used by ministers of various denominations:
From Shadow into sunlight: Amos 5:8
The Meaning of Life: James 4:14 etc………………………….
Purchased a few fact finding books:
- The Great Aussie Fact Finding Book
- Australia’s Second Century 1901- Present
- Century of Australia Prime Ministers
- The Peace Keepers: Australia at War Since 1945
- News News News – Mementos Events and Daily Life as Reported in the Australian Press.
- The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. Revised Fourth Edition edited by Elizabeth Knowles. This is a great reference book.
In Times of Grief
Connie Harrison with Evey Spence.
This book is an inspirational treasury of spiritual texts. The verse takes us through stages of Grief, The Loss, New Life,
Grief drives men into the habits of serious reflection,
Sharpens the understanding and softens the heart.
John Adams
Letter to Thomas Jefferson, 6 May 1816.
Give Words of Sorrow
A Father’s Passage Through Grief
by Tom Crider
Tom Cider’s only child, died in an apartment fire in her junior college, there seemed to be no way to alleviate his pain, or to find meaning in his daughter’s sudden death. This book is his journey, the agony and an exploration of spiritual issues related to death, it is a book that readers who would, in sorrow, naturally turn to books for shared experience, reflection, wisdom-comfort in words passed through the ages.
This is a book for any bereaved person who is facing loss without support from religious beliefs. Tom Crider shares with us the wisdom that helped him find peace, his documents the inward progress in his search for solace in nature and in children, good friends, and beloved family. Most of all, he offers what he discovered in literature. Quote from this book:
The Japanese writer Kenko wrote:
If man were never to fade away like the dews of Adashino, never to vanish like the smoke over Toribeyama,
but lingered on forever in the world, how things would lose their power to move us!
The most precious thing in life is its uncertainty.
Poems and Reading For Funerals
Edited by Julia Watson:
This book offers a collection of over ninety poems and other short readings.
(Note: There are other books with poems and readings for weddings and namings edited by Julia Watson)
A Healing Journey
by Ted Menten
This is a journal – Beginning again after the death of someone you love. Menten has collected quotes by great writers, artists, and thinkers; wisdom from proverbs and sayings; and personal expressions that have developed over the years. My reason for buying this book is that I may be able to refer to theses quotes etc.
Death is that invisible little string tied around our finger at birth.
It is placed there to remind us to live our lives wonderfully.
I believe in full indulgence of sorrow, because it speaks the truth of loss.
To deny the loss, the tears, the despair, and the bewilderment of grief
is to deny the love that makes pain so great.
Once we have worked our way through anger, and denial, and avoidance,
and bargaining, and promising, we come at last to acceptance.
For that place we can more easily find our way to peacefulness.
(I have also placed an order for Menten’s book, Gentle Closings: How to say goodbye to Someone You Love.)
Death- The final Stage of growth
Author Elisabeth Kubler-Ross,
This book is recommended by the college and reading through a few pages I am sure I will find this book informative and enlightening, dealing with and accepting death is a problem in our society. I hope I can accept the challenge and grow through all the experiences this module will bring.
On Children and Death,
By Elisabeth Kubler-Ross,
How children and their parents can and do cope with death. I opened this book at the library on pg.213 to read the story of a young two year old who lived in Australia and had seen and spoken to his grandfather in England at the moment he had died. I am very spiritual and I do believe occurrences like this and others related in this book can and do happen. I find this author’s style of writing easy to read, inspirational and although not directed at celebrants, I have found a little peace of mind, that when I do eventually interview a client, I will be more aware of their feelings and also have the knowledge that as a celebrant I will be there to help in their time of sorrow in bringing together a ceremony that they will be happy with, and that will celebrate the life of their loved one.
Final Gifts
by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley
Understanding and Helping the dying. Although this book does not hold any information for celebrants, it is a book that should be read, for all of us at sometime will be close to someone who is dying. As a potential celebrant I also think it gives us an insight not only to the dying persons feelings but our own and how to cope with our clients, it reminded me of Ruth Cracknels book Journey from Venice, ‘being alongside someone who is terminally ill, we learn our kinship with the frail and the wounded, our shared humanity and our common worth.
Sad Isn’t Bad
Michaelene Mundy- Elf-Help Books for Kids.
Is a good grief guidebook for kids dealing with loss; it is beautifully illustrated, giving children a friendly and loving guide to help them cope with loss.
It’s okay to cry,
When someone you care about dies,
There will be tears,
But tears can be good,
Sad isn’t bad……….
35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child
Guide Book Series.
I browsed through a few pages of this book on the Amazon site, and it certainly looks to be full of helpful information for adults to help the grieving child.
- Listen- Children telling their story is a healing experience, and many suggestions are given to enable the adults to perform this well.
Lifetimes- the beautiful way to explain death to children
By Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen.
This book explains beautifully that all living things have their own special lifetimes.
There is beginning and ending for everything that is alive,
In between is living.
Rona ~ I leave you with these words from a Celtic Prayer JR
Blessing for a Student.
May you be blessed by the nine gifts of the cauldron,
May the poetry of imagination be kindled in you,
May the insight of your reflections ripen the fruits of your meditation,
May you learn from the lore of the land,
May you research empower your descendants,
Through the great knowledge of your ancestors,
May the sparkle of intelligence irradiate your life,
May understanding rest in your heart,
May wisdom reside in the depths of your soul.
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