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Women's Network Australia
Relationship Education |
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Marriage celebrants – by intuition or experience – may perceive that couples would benefit from knowing more about each other.| What is FOCCUS? FOCCUS stands for ‘Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study’. It is a relationship education program created by Catholic Education, but has been adopted by non-Catholics and secular celebrants and couples alike. It requires a commitment by the couple to attend a minimum of three sessions with the facilitator. The current fee for FOCCUS at Relationships Australia is $150. What does it do? In the first session the couple individually complete an inventory containing approximately 160 statements which focus on key areas of their individual lives, identifying attitudes, values, beliefs and family of origin experiences, their personality and communication styles, lifestyle expectations, friends and interests, religious affiliations, beliefs about contraception, children and parenting, managing finances, two careers, intimacy and sexuality, drug and alcohol use, and violence. Each participant independently writes their response to each statement by circling one of three possible answers: ‘Agree’, ‘Disagree’ or ‘Undecided’. The FOCCUS instrument has a ‘preferred response’ for each statement. For example: ‘I am usually comfortable and relaxed around my partner’ would have the preferred response ‘Agree’. Between the first and second sessions, the facilitator analyses their responses against the preferred response and prepares a chart showing the couple’s level of agreement with each other on each aspect. What does the couple learn? The second and third sessions are opportunities for the couple to consider and clarify the reasons for any differing responses and discuss them, as well as acknowledging their areas of agreement. The couple understands the FOCCUS program is an opportunity to respectfully explore, communicate and clarify their points of view and understand and know each other better. FOCCUS can reveal potential conflicts, but not solve them, so if it is evident that the areas of difference would be better discussed in a counselling context, the couple is informed of their counselling options. How is Counselling linked? Counselling is regularly taken up by couples who complete FOCCUS, and is the most successful form of counselling in terms of positive outcomes, by providing the opportunity to tackle and resolve/manage problems at the prevention/early intervention stage, rather than at the crisis stage of conflict. What is the benefit of FOCCUS? FOCCUS is also validating for couples because it can be a confirmation of their compatibility and their capacity to mange differences in a positive, respectful way. Couples who have experienced FOCCUS are more inclined to seek help in the future in the form of counselling if they find unexpected stresses invading their relationship. There are a myriad of unexpected experiences which can affect the quality of their interactions, and many couples seek help to manage step-parenting issues, financial stresses, in-laws, the impact of illness or accidents, and the advent of children, on their intimacy. |
Celebrants can ask the couple a few key questions such as:
- ‘Do you find yourselves disagreeing about certain issues which keep coming up and you haven’t been able to resolve these particular conflicts?’
- ‘What are some of the issues that come up for you?’
- ‘When you feel strongly about something – or have different opinions – how do you manage your interactions?’
All couples conflict over various matters – they are not clones of each other but individuals, with different upbringings, belief systems, attitudes and values.
Disagreements are ‘normal’. The important thing is how they resolve or manage them.
Suggesting the couple complete the FOCCUS program is one way to enable issues and problem areas to be brought into the open.
Openness has to be a better starting place for any relationship.
Heather Farmer
Relationships Counsellor/ FOCCUS Facilitator
Provided By:
Willma King
Branch Manager
Relationships Australia
Manunda Qld 4870
Website: www.relationships.com.au
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