Many thanks to Marlee for providing her profile.
Marlee Bruinsma Authorised Civil Celebrant - Appointed 2005
 When my first two children came along in rapid succession, I was working as a busy lawyer in a country practice in Victoria. As a new mother, I could not keep up with the frenetic (frenzied and frantic!) pace of my job, which seemed to require 60 to 80 hours of work each week, so I decided to take some time off to be with my children.
When they were a little older, I moved back to my home State – Queensland. Oh joy – no more wrapping them in layers of clothes against the cold – singlets and nappies were the order of the day and only one load of washing a day instead of three. Later came a couple more children and I was lucky to be able to settle on an acreage in the Gold Coast hinterland, close enough to the bright lights but also by the side of a creek, where we have platypus and fish, wallabies and koalas (and chickens!).
We grow our own vegetables when the possums, marsupial mice and other critters don’t eat them. Our neighbours are great and we often get together for a drumming session or a bonfire, or a sauna beside the creek.
My husband is a sculptor so we have many large stone sculptures around our property. He creates beautiful work but makes lots of mess, puffing out stone dust as he walks from his clothes and being oblivious to all the household items that need fixing, the lawn that needs mowing, and the things he leaves all over the floor, as only someone whose mind is on art can be.
What attracted me to celebrancy?
I have always had a sense that life’s milestones and turning points should be acknowledged and celebrated. I believe strongly in the power of ceremony to help integrate and anchor the important occasions in our lives, some sad and many happy, I trust.
Growing up in a family where religion was not encouraged, I really looked forward to family get togethers and occasions. So when I first heard about celebrants back in the 1980s, I wanted to be one.
However, as I travelled a lot for work at the time, I was not in a position to wait for a vacancy in my location to occur. By the 1990s when celebrants were again being appointed, I was knee-deep in child rearing!
Then in 2004, a neighbour casually mentioned that people could now do a course to become a celebrant – I promptly enrolled at the TAFE college offering this course in Brisbane and put in my application to be a celebrant, being appointed the following year in 2005.
A treasured memory related to celebrancy
While I have conducted ceremonies for many wonderful people over the years, the ceremony that stands out for me is the one I wrote and performed for my daughter’s 18th birthday.
I was unprepared for the profound effect it had on me as a participant as well as the celebrant! We had a dinner for about 20 people on our deck. After the entrée, I conducted the ceremony. I set up a path for my daughter, lined with flowers and branches and crystals for her to walk along. Prior to the evening, I asked her to choose something from her childhood to bring to her ceremony (her choice was the Hamster Dance CD!).
I asked her to start at one end of the path and place the CD behind her, representing happy memories from childhood that would always be a part of her life but also leaving that childhood behind.
I shared some funny quotes from Phyllis Diller and some anonymous ones about parental advice.
Then I asked her to hold her hands palm up and look at them while I shared some words by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist teacher: "If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people." I talked about how she will still be our child and have our support yet she is becoming an adult and to help with this, I would present her with some tools.
I lay a broom down before her, to jump over into her new life as an “adult”, also symbolising that she is now responsible for cleaning up her own messes. This was a decorative broom which she got to keep. Another step along the path and she stopped to light a candle in a lovely lantern that I bought her, symbolising finding the things that light her soul and the search for things to keep her inner flame alight, even in times of darkness. Another step along the path and I presented her with a favourite book of mine, “Women Who Run With Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, symbolising the wisdom path that we tread. In the ceremony, I also shared some words of wisdom from Eleanor Roosevelt and some words by Deb Soule on the wise woman.
Finally I shared some words by Edward Abbey in Benedicto, wishing her an amazing life journey, some words about the name I gave her 18 years ago and the mythology of it (Pandora) and we toasted her. I asked the guests to express their hopes and wishes for her as well. We then had the main course and a funny slide show of photos from the time she was born, then dessert. A couple of her friends booked me then and there to do a ceremony for their 21st!
This ceremony continues to have an influence in my life, in that while I am always here for my daughter to suggest options for different challenges in her life, I don’t feel that I have to solve it for her. I have handed to her the power over her own life and it continues to feel very liberating for me. Instead of responding to her with a “you should”, I respond to her with a “have you considered…”. I can provide guidance and assistance but she is now the decision maker in her own life. I was totally unprepared for the effect this ceremony had on me as a parent yet it, for me, reinforces the power of ceremony.
Where I would like to be in 5 years time ?
I hope that I will still be conducting ceremonies. My youngest child will be in the last year of primary school. We have a dream to move to northern New South Wales. I just had a wedding there at a small place called Pumpenbil last weekend and the scenery is amazing – on the edge of the Caldera.
It has a wonderful nurturing energy and is still quite close to the beach and the township of Murwillumbah. I hope to still be happily married and have found a way of supplementing my income so that I can still be a celebrant.
Marlee Bruinsma
Civil Marriage Celebrant
Gold Coast Queensland
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