Rona Goold Blog

So write Scott Pape, the "Bare-foot Investor", in the sun-Herald (30/10/2010).

Scott makes some great points. Though his header Don't get 'married' is rather tongue in cheek.

He states that "Relationships Australia tells us that 80 per cent of relationship breakdowns are caused by money problems (and monogamy). Many young couples about to get married have never sat down and talked about what money means to them."

The underlying desire for public recognition for such an important commitment is spot on in my opinion.

Why?

• Because making a public promise gives one's promise more power and the person to whom it is made more respect. It is a "Gestalt" moment - where one's inner world aligns with the outer world in an important way.
• It makes breaking your word less likely as you are in many ways more accountable, not only to those present, but also to oneself. "To thine own self be true" is about one's personal integrity.
• Because in times past being married, and a wedding ring, was an outer sign that one's heart was already committed elsewhere, and thus not only "out of bounds", but to be respected. Being faithful did require community support, as well as personal commitment. Nothing "has changed under the sun" that much. Being married does not take-away physical attraction to others. It is about having certain priorites and values in one's life.
• Because making a choice to choose one path, brings a certain freedom. Un-limited choices leads to confusion and despair in most people. A freedom to explore a certain path in life, rather than running down several, is usually about quality rather than quantity
• A legal contract also bring community approval and sanction, because the law is meant to uphold common values of fairness, honesty, integrity, decency, civil and human rights and responsibilities.

So what is happening ?

• Being the centre of attention for a lot of brides is not what some brides are about, though there are a others for whom it is.

In a time poor world, the drabness of the untilitarian has seemed to win out. Is the masculisation of the "femine" in fashion one part of the puzzle ? Is the growing trend of "Deb" balls one way of expressing this need ?

• The continual focus on that rate of divorce is another aspect to consider. Divorce is still viewed as a failure by one or the other or both. And yet, 1000 years ago most people were not promising a 60 year relationship, as most died by the age of 35. Men and women had more than one wife or husband, as women died in child birth, and both from disease and trauma without modern medicines?  Even in Australia before the "no-fault' divorce, men and women lived in misery, locked into abusive or un-healthy relationships because they'd "made their bed, and no they had to lie in it".

Is the average $35,000 per wedding one way of trying to say "our love is dfferent" - it is solid it is worth the XXXX dollars we will spend on it - we will last the distance ?

• The focus on the 'you can be a start too' and the 'celebrity' focus of the women's magazine, and "you deserve it" marketing techniques of the advertising industry combine to push a powerful message. For those it is, is it that there is not enough opportunities to play "dress up" in a way to look, feel and be "beautiful" ?

Is it the cult of the celebrity ? Everyone can be a star on Facebook Youtube etc? Is this because our social does not value women for traits other than their looks ?

Can a wedding meet all the above needs and still not cost the price of a new car or a deposit on a home ?

Yes certainly one can. Give us your ideas and/ or experiences - either here as a comment on our blog, or register and log in, then go to our Weddings Chat Forum